Top 10 signs you may be addicted to IRC.

10. Your service provider calls *you* for tech support.

9. Someone at work tells you a joke, and you say "LOL!"

8. You have ever had a dream about the people in your channels.

7. You have to scroll through your popup menu.

6. You watch T.V. with closed captioning turned on.

5. Your friend Tom tells you something sad on the phone and you say "Awwww,
me hugs Tom."

4. You've called out someone else's nick while making love to your husband.

3. You keep begging your friend's to get an internet account so "we can
hang out."

2. Three words: carpal tunnel syndrome.

1. You laughed at this list.



You might be addicted to irc if.... 

...your friends are now convinced that IRC stands for "I Repeat Classes."

...you want to meet a girl and your first impulse is to turn on your
computer.

...you once devoted a weekend to "working on your popups." 

...you sometimes go to #egypt "just to get away from it all." 

...when you join #callahans everyone types "Norm!" 

...you're a heterosexual male, but one time you used a feminine nick "just
to mess with the horny net geeks."

...you come home from class, look at your roomates, and say "ib." 

...you wait for your roomates to say "re." 

...the words "takeover," "nick collide," and "flood" make your heart beat
faster and your hands a little shakey.

...sometimes you type commands from the unix prompt you mistakenly begin
them with a "/"

...you've ever gotten onto an airplane just to meet some folks face to
face. 

...you make it a point to change your ping reply and quit message daily. 

...you have over 2 megs of .wav files on your mirc directory. 

...you have to get a second phone line just so you can call Domino's. 

...your child ignores your request and you wonder if she is lagged. 

...you send internet Christmas cards. *wink* 

...you've ever felt the urge to type "*wink*." 

...you have ever wondered if there is a #irc-anon. 

...you have an irc web page. 

...you've ever went to one of those form-submit web page 'chats' just to
say "you loosers don't even know what irc is, do you? Huh!? DO YOU!?!"

...you've ever logged on to dalnet. 

...you join #hispanola "just to work on my Spanish." 

...when someone on the channel asks if anyone knows some good servers,
everyone else types your nick.

...you join busy channels just to talk to yourself because the scrolling
makes you feel better about it somehow.

...you've ever typed "drinking on irc is better than drinking alone." 

...you go into labor and you stop to type a "special" away message. 

...you have a vanity car tag with your nick on it.


      Oh, so YOU have something funny to add now, huh?

From Karma:

...you've been lagged so bad that you've switched servers so much you can
see you nick on the channel list 3 times.

From Lori:

...you no longer type with proper punctuation, capitolization, or complete
senteces..

From Charlotte (Vilas):

* you live on #twilight_zone for months praying for an O: line * you end up
with 7 O: lines * to get revenge on someone you know in RL, you mail bomb
them..through the US postal service, that is * you have met over 100 ircers
* you /umode +s because you dont feel right without it * you dont know your
boyfriend/girlfriend's first name * your boyfriend/girlfriend in RL gets on
IRC coz its the only way to reach you * you know which servers are major
hubs..in *.tw * you call your S.O (boyfriend/girlfriend is too long to
type) a HNG * you use words like 'leet' and 'lame' in RL * you find
yourself wishing that that bitch on your hall were on irc so you could
flood her * you read operlist * you tell your rfiends you have plans
already on saturday night when you dont * your .ircrc is over 80k * you
feel a need to talk in all caps to certain people in RL * your desk is the
only part of your room you ever use (screw the bed ;) * you have ever put a
smiley in a paper for school

From homie@cyberhighway.net: 

the JehovA's Witnesses knock on the door, and all you can think of doing is
flood them with PINGs.

You get a call from a telemarketer, and instead of hanging up on them, you
set down the phone, and set their mode to -v

You call up your friend Nick, and /invite $nick to #watch_TV 

You offer the babysitter OPS when you go out for the night 

You refer to rush hour traffic as LAGGED... or to avoid traffic, you tell
your passenger you need to quit for a second to switch servers

The word I is now replaced in your vocabulary with /me. 

You raise your hand in class, and say "BRB" 

You have more than 3 private MSG windows going simultaneously 

You won't subscribe to a certain internet provider because they don't offer
unlimited time per month

Instead of taking a disk home from work, you set up your BOT to serve it to
you later that night

You no longer have to stop and explain to your friends what "RE ALL" means 

You begin to say hehehehehehehehe instead of laughing 

You don't sleep at night because you are too stay up late thinking of a new
NICK

You know and use regularly, more than 10 different ways to smile in ascii
text 

From William Estep (wbestep@whidbey.net):

...You cry when you see more than 3 quit messages with two servers listed
as the reason.

From Babieface (aka. Karen)

..when someone says "what did you say?" you reply "scroll up!" 

..you find yourself sneaking away to the computer in the middle of the
might when your spouse is asleep to get more irc time in!

..you turn down the lights and close the blinds so people won't know that
you are on irc again!

..you know more about your irc "friends" daily routines than you do your
own spouses!

..when someone in a channel says "where is today, and you know exactly
where that person is and why they are not logged on.

..you find yourself lieing to others about your irc time. When they
complain your phone is busy, you claim it was off the hook!

..you have an identity crisis if someone else is using your nick. 

..you would rather tell people your bloodshot eyes are from partying too
much instead of the truth (up all night on irc!)

..you change nicks so much that you have to type /me to see who you are! 

..you put on special mood music while talking to certain people in private
chats! 

..your friends on irc were above your RL friends on your Christmas card
list! 

..you find yourself involved in channel politics on irc! 

..you ever turned down real hugs for {{hugs}} from your irc friends. 

..you have actually kept up with 10 converstions at one time! <---this one
shows either great skill or that you are too far gone!

..you postpone your college graduation date so you can keep your free .edu
account!

From Eponine:

..you have ever written a pen-and-paper letter to someone and found it
_impossible_ to do without smilies

From Rampie: 

...you don't even bother answering the phone anymore...

... If you're broke and your modem burns out and you go out on to the
streeets to sell your body to get a new one..

...If you are willing to risk a divorce because your husband doesn't like
all the time you are spending on the computer

...If you are willing to sell a kidney to get to the next #anne-Rice
channel meet

...If you are risking your job by staying on #anne-rice in the afternoon

From Antha:

...If you open up your home to 15 strangers for a week merely because they
have computers and cute nicknames

... if you consider getting an THIRD phone line so your S.O. can get online
on a diff acct

...If you yell at ppl cause they aww using more than 2 w's and are messing
up your URL list

...if your kids are standing at your side going "mommy, please come cook
dinner" and you'd rather type another "LOL!"

From Gabrielle:

...If the first thing you say after coming out of a movie is, "Hey.
Remember that funny line? It would make a perfect info line!"

From: Scullycj

...you Marry your cyberboyfriend RT and you both sit at your own computers
and chat to each other every night from across the room! (Hehehe I did...do
this:)

From: Lonny

...you have ever had netsex with a bot. 

From:Stephen/meridian

your first thought when your nick is taken is "VERSION"

From:Scruples

You might be addicted to irc if...both you and your wife has thier own
computer, server, and e-mail address.

From:brannigan

You might be addicted to irc if...you download this list to send it to your
other net friends.

From: Firestrtr (url only) 

From:Pilgrim 

You might be addicted to irc if...you keep making channels with one more
"!", just so you can get the top of the channel list

From:Agent X 

You might be addicted to irc if... ... you have to go on Irc by sneaking on
your friend/Father's Laptop while they are at work or are away.

...you are a X files fan and go on #X-files just to say "Does anyone here
like the X-Files T.V.Show?"

...you go on but can continue after your computer searches for your server
you yell "Dumb, Server".

..... you constantly say "hello?" or "you lagged, boy" to anyone on the
street.

From: Bouncey (Charles Terrell)

You might be addicted to irc if...Your S.O.'s friends and family (all in
the same geographical area, most computer illiterate, none addicted to IRC)
refer to you by your nick, because for months that's the only name they
heard.

From:Q-bert_2

... You came here when the channel you were on was less than 20 people

From:duck

...if you find it RIGHT..........right

From:Scruples

You might be addicted to irc if...both you and your wife has thier own
computer, server, and e-mail address.

From:brannigan

You might be addicted to irc if...you download this list to send it to your
other net friends.

From:DWildstar (That's Mr. Wildstar to you Europeans)

* you use the words "donut" or "broked" in email 

* you type in all lowercase now, even while typing assignments 

* you keep an irc window open while doing homework 

* you use irc as an excuse for procrastinating on homework 

* you've gone through more than one keyboard because you can't leave irc
long enough to have a cig

* you type messages to people while you're talking to them on the phone 

* you hack your server idle time "so lamers donut bug me" 

* you've ever actually used "donut" or "woii" in a sentance 

* your nick is mentioned on an irc web page (or worse...it's published in
printed material somewhere)

* you keep a client on 24/7 so someone doesn't steal your nick

From:Sommer

you *do* preface things in email with /me

you feel the urge to /kick and /ban annoying peopel in person

From: ? 

... you argue with your kids over whose turn it is.

...when you write a letter you put :-) at the end of a sentence 

From:larrrrry

...You wont work at a job that doesnt have a modem involed

From:robs

...you sign your nick instead of your "real name"

From:Odeon 

...you take your girlfriend on a date to #redlobster, then to a movie at
#cineplex_odeon.

From:GOLDORAK 

...you want to kick-ban your sister from your house. 

From: itsmeKaren 

...you hang out in the #florida room on dalnet and are involved in the soap
opera that goes on there

From:Sakashca 

...you look at your cat and say mmmm chicken 

From:JEEPjr 

...you sat around for more than 2 minutes trying to think of a witty "You
might be addicted to irc if..." joke to add to this list.

From:Crazed 

Your husband announces that he is getting a second line..no matter what you
say!! He's tired of the phone always being busy.

From: Eric Hauser/Trekkie

...refuse to go to alt.irc.recovery when your friends tell you too...

...your dog leaves you...

...you have to ask what the year is...

...build a toilet into your computer chair so you never *miss* anything...

From: ripclaw 

... You join certain channels just to read the funny topics 

From:Zilch 

...If your sitting sitting at work with NO IRC Clients and you can't find
any; Anywhere, You get sidetracked into reading webs about IRC.

From: DaPackFan 

...you have to replace your / and # keys every few weeks. 

From:cr0w

You might be addicted to irc if you are telling someone about all your
friends and it turns out they are all on IRC...

From:Libby

You might be addicted to irc if..are doing things more and more that you
swore you would never, ever do when you first found chat!

From:Stephie url only 

From:[A-Jax] 

... if you write a letter like this "dear tom, lo! how r u doin well i
gotta go bbl!"

From:karen ballard

You might be addicted to irc if you stay on here until your eyes are
bloodshot 

From:PuppyDog 

...you enter a channel and the bots say hi!

From:Kupan 

...you suggest to your company to hold its meetings on IRC so "The boss can
put +m on"

...you name your pets after people you talk to on IRC.

...you ever tell a story in RL of something funny that happened on IRC to
people that have no idea what it is.

From:VEGGIE 

You are reading this.....

From:Matt (MattRB@northshore.net) is obese fatty

You might be addicted to irc if you masterbate to the irc chats 

From:BornNaked

...you smile sideways

From: MMiller 

Whenever you log on to a server you immediately get 10 messages from people
who have you on thier notify list

You can handle 10 messages

You can't even remember the names to all the channels you have ops on

Your internet provider disconnects you for using an *unlimited* account too
much

After the above happening you seriously consider a dedicated account

you have a map on the wall with red thumbtacks to mark where people are

You have to take an vacation from IRC because you can not keep up with the
messages anymore

You have IRC in the background with the word AWAY after your nick while
viewing this page

People /msg you even when your nick has AWAY in it 

People have your AWAY nick in thier notify list 

Your spent more than $300 on long distance calling those you met on IRC 

Whenever a netsplit or mode change occurs and someone asks what happened
everyone in the channel says to ask you

You got tired of answering what happened and have made popups to describe
netsplits and mode changes

You have 5 copies of an IRC client installed on your hard disk to be on
more than one net at a time

Your might miss *important* action in a channel while submitting this 

You actually submitted this 

From:rebelyell 

... have opened a # called #IRCanonymous - topic 12 steppers fer irc
addicts ..."meets here"

From:jillo 

...you look at an annoying friend and wish you could type /ignore 

From:DrilGrrl 

...you can carry on a conversation with the bot(s)

From:jessie 

...a woman make me come on the net

From:bRain_surgeon 

you type zandzeepsodemineraalwatersteenstralen in 1 time !

From:Steve's girlfriend 

...you actually are reading these corny things!!!!

From Antha:

"You know you're addicted to irc when you find stupid reasons to log into
yourshell account, knowing full well you can type "irc" from there and be
there in 2 seconds"

From:Norahs 

...you drink less water cuz u don't wanna go to the washroom during your
chat.

...you wrote your nick as your name in RL

From: ? 

...you ask Electronics Boutique what warez they have. 

...you flood your enemies by talking fast.

From:Spookje

You might be addicted to irc if.Your chatmates know you better then your
own mummie :)..

From:Dozer 

...Your time on-line is measured with a Calender. 

...You use your lunchbreak to jump back on to look for memo's 

...You get pulled over by the police, and they inform you that you were
reported missing 2 months ago.

...You bring a sack lunch and cooler to the terminal.

From:hdoan0 (url only) 

From: ?

You actually know everybody in your irc channel. 

From:case

... Your SO kisses your neck while you type and you think "uh oh DCC Chat
request"

... Your wife starts mabbling at you on the bed and you try to find the
/Ignore all command

... You get an instant turn on with the phrase "5'11 tall long blond hair
blue eyes"

... The keys of your keyboard are refusing to work properly after few
months and you end up writing something like " I'm professionl relly!"

From: Yossef

...you've ever submitted something here. 

...you've ever used the term "RL". 

...you find it necessary to differentiate between RL (real life, in case
you don't know) and IRC_life to keep track of everything. (You're worse off
if you don't do this, though.)

From:Judie/Hbilli

You might be addicted to irc if...the only time you log off irc is to
travel to work where you immediately log back on.

...you go into irc withdrawals if you are away from a computer for more
than a few hours.

From:LedHed

You make up reasons to ur wife to stay late at the office so u can take
advantage of their service link.

From:dilly (url only)

From:Jophiel

You might be addicted to irc if..

. You only think of your TAB key as that "private message key"

From:cassiopeia

...you risk possible suspension and or expulsion from high school to
download a copy of mIRC onto the computer in the library so you can IRC
from Study Hall

From:dagger@goodnet.com

...your "first time" began with the command "/me..." -or-

...you've got a registered channel beginning with your nick!

From:JLPicard

You might be addicted to irc if... ...someone offers you lady fingers at a
party and you have an urge to do a /WHOIS on them.

From:daisy

...you post additions to this page.

From: Dan

...You're a regular op in channel #mirc or #mirchelp (which I am, heheh) 

From:tj-

...u added this link to your homepage :)

...u use IRC lingo in everyday life(if u still have one)hehe

From:Kin

...Your GPA is inversely proportional to the time spent on IRC

From Patrick

You might be addicted to irc if you are from the island of Malta

From: Leonardo

...when writing someone a letter you feel inclined to make your smileys
SIDEWAYS

From:Manu

...you e-mail prospective employers and leave a channel name they can find
you at

...you handcuff yourself to your chair when you join #submission (not that
I've ever done that!)

...you set up the PC to answer the phone and turn on IRC automatically when
it rings

From: ?

...Grandma reminds you about an upcoming family reunion and you tell her
she can borrow your server.

From:Labtek

From:Jophiel

You start making appointments to meet IRC people that have more importance
than your real life appointments.

You leave yourself setaway for longer than a half hour because it's easier
than trying to dial in

From: Alexious

your friend tells you a joke and you say "ROTFL..."

your friend doesn't answer you and you wonder how to PING him.

From:Sept

...you know not only the best servers to access, but also the best ports.

From:FoxMoleder

...you never get round to using the internet and spend your time on mirc. 

From:thedab@ix.netcom.com

...you think you need more memory, but forgot why....

...you take a speed reading course to keep up with the scrolling...

...you start thinking 100 megahertz is to slow...

From:Apollo-

...your notify list ha over a hundred people on it

...your worst comeback to a bully is "I'll slap you with a large trout"

From:John Hubbard

You might be addicted to irc if you refer to sick ppl as lagged

You might be addicted to irc if you tell your fellow workers/studenrts to
call you by your IRC nick

You might be addicted to irc if you have over 2 megs of bots

From : Anonymous

... When you were born, the first thing you did , is type /server ...

From: TonyGirl

You might be addicted to irc if...you say that you're hiding under a chair,
and then actually go and do it.

From:Sub-Zer0

...You set yourself /away while burning dinner

From:hunney

...you suddenly realize you are late for work.....cause you were on irc all
night.........

From: QFinger

...you read every single line of this page. 

From:joybutton

...you know more than 7 of the people in a channel at any given time.

...you have an overwhelming urge to say "burb" when you leave your friends
for a few minutes.

...you own a bumper-sticker that says "Split Happens."

From:milkshake

...you have cyber dates with people that you have never met before 

From:Spicy1 

...when you wake up in the morning the first thing you do is get on to IRC
before you have your coffee.

From: ?

You might be addicted to irc if...cant rememeber anything in the day prior
to getting on the pc

From:sewlynne@gnn.com

...You are using the irc to conduct settlement conferences about your
upcoming divorce.

From:Keroppi

...you call your airline to buy a roundtrip ticket to #france. 

From:Charlotte Hanks (Vilas)

You might be addicted to irc if... You have posted to this page more then
once You keep on clicking over to your 4 irc windows while you do it..
(well, maybe someone msged me!) You buy more RAM so you can have more
sessions open You know over 5 people who have posted to this page You're a
regular on over 10 channels You've ever broken up with a S.O over IRC
You've ever said "Mom, can I come live at your place for a bit? I cant deal
with school..not enough time online.." You have driven over 5 hours to meet
an ircer You've compiled ircd on your linux box just for the hell of it You
know what the correct format for a Y: line is You know what jupe.c does You
read operlist You have /alias lamer msg $0 wow, R U M OR F is a great way
to meet people! You know irc scripting You can come up with about 500 of
these damn things Your boyfriend knows when new servers get linked Your
grandmother knows what a clonebot is Your professors all know what sendQ's
are You know what sendQ's are

From:bongibo

you get rid of your cybercafe in france to go and live in canada with
mylene.... 

From:BassPlay

You might be addicted to irc if...U go 2 a party, meet agirl, and ask her
how she look.

From: Saint skullY the Dazed

You might be addicted to irc if you have the urge to kick people in real
life. 

From: Hugger

... Your family opens an internet coffeehouse and you get bummed 'cause
most servers won't authorize you, so you keep your account at another
server and dial in at 28.8 instead of using the 56k connection just 'cause
U miss access to your fave server

From:_Crono95

... you include your nick in your e-mail signature

From:HW.

You are in a liberal arts College, but all of your friends understand
*lol*, brb, re, kewl, etc!

You and your boyfriend/girlfriend broke up because he/she wouldn't let you
get on-line when you spent winterbreak at his/her house.

From:Pharao

...u enter a room and you say /me greets all 



If YOU answer yes to more than, say, four or five of those things (hey, I'm
getting my Ph.D., I can decide things like that), you should think about
going to The World Headquarters of Netaholic Annonymous. They understand,
and they care. Help is out there.

                                            YOU CAN STILL HAVE A LIFE!!!

If you answered no to everything, then maybe you should look into some of
these irc related links, so that you too can loose whatever resemblance of
a real life you may have left.

Now there is a second page of submitted I.R.C. Addictions.

You can also submit your own signs of I.R.C. addiction. 


Back to D.R.'s Home Page.

This page has been accessed 17,457 times since I started making it 1/10/96.
Hugs and stuff, D.R.


© 1996 Darrell Meece. O.K., I put this together, and I made up the stuff
that isn't attributed to somebody else, those things were sent to me by
those people and belong to them. If you want to use part of this page,
please ask me permission first. What I'll say is "Sure, you can use some of
it, just attribute it to me, and put a link back to this page." But PLEASE
E-mail me me first!!!! Thanks.